Just over a month left until I say I do!! This is both exciting, nerve-racking and most of all stressful. I was hoping at this point that I wouldn't have much left to do. However, we don't have attire for the groom, the flowers are CRAZY expensive, I still need to finalize decorations for the reception and ceremony, taste and confirm the reception menu, book the hotel room for the bridesmaids and I to get ready, finish the alterations on my dress, pay off the photography, review the playlist with the DJ, select and purchase the groomsmen's gifts and attire, reception shoes(for me), welcome bags, and anything else that I'll remember as soon as I post this (becuase that is just how my life is lately!) OH and I really only have about the month of September to pull this off because lets face it. My birthday is 10 days before my wedding and I will have NO time to do anything then.
I have a meeting tomorrow with another florist to review styles and cost. Hopefully she will come in under budget. Otherwise the bridesmaids are getting fake flowers and I will order my bouquet online. I still have to figure out the decorations for the ceremony and put the finishing touches on the reception. However doing this usually requires money and since I've paid off the reception there really is no money to do anything else right now. FML (Did I mention that I have this sinking feeling that something is going to go horribly wrong soon? Like the reception hall catching on fire or tons of last minute cancellations.)
Decorations: The ceremony is at church and we have the large space, checkered carpet (that looks like it is yellow and green ish tones), green chairs, cream walls, no real setup for a grand entrance as a bride (short of entering from the back door and being seen by everyone who sits in the back on the left). So how to decorate the large space and still get the feel I want is going to be difficult. It will probably be a daily undertaking for the whole week prior to the wedding. Drop off decorations into a classroom Sunday evening, arrive Monday and decorate the chairs, arrive Tuesday and stage or decorate most of the other areas, then Wednesday set up the isle (and pray that no one messes with it during youth night), Thursday is the wedding so unless the boys go up in the morning and fix everything (which probably won't work or look the way I want it to) I don't know what to do.
The reception decorations are looking closer to what I want, I just need something to add height to the room. I can't decide what's missing. I know I want to some element of a tree but according to other people if we have too many things it is going to look cluttered. I want it to look elegant. I want it to feel special and welcoming. If I could have 2 tall elements per long table I would feel better. I can't picture everything together and I need to be able to see it otherwise I'm not going to like any of it. I want a candy bar and a photo booth station. I want everything to look like the picture that inspired the wedding colors.
I know that a wedding is just a party and if at the end of the day we are married then it went perfectly, BUT I want the pictures to reflect the years I have put into this and the overall feel that I'm trying to achieve. I know that there is more to write but right now I am exhausted and it's time to fall asleep.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Friday, August 3, 2012
What I want...
Lately I've been feeling a little bit insecure about many things mainly including upcoming wedding events. I have my bridal shower and my joint bachelor/bachelorette party coming up and I don't know how to be the center of attention and feel comfortable. I have a constant one sided headache and the medicine that I take for it made me gain a few pounds that I'm not entirely comfortable with. So I guess what I am struggling with is trying to feel special when nothing seems to fit, shopping is frustrating and all I really want to do is curl up in a ball and hope that when I wake up I will feel better. When I pick out what I want to wear to these special events I can't find things that make me match the emotions that I want to feel. This is a special moment in my life and I want to feel that way but right now I just don't. I don't want to have to plan these events or buy things to make. I want to show up, play games, open gifts and enjoy myself. Unfortunately I have to take part in the planning because it wasn't taken on my others in my wedding party.
There have been a few people who tell me to let them know if they can help or what I'd like them to do but the truth is I don't know what they can do because I don't always know what I want. I have ideas but I have a feeling if I let others pick up things to me or take over tasks that it won't come out the way I'd like and then it'd be a wasted effort. I have mixed feelings about asking for help because in the past when I did I got everyone else's opinions and no one asked what I wanted. Instead of waiting for me to ask for help look things up that could be helpful.
I went out with my sister today and did the one thing I didn't want to do. I cried. I don't like to talk about what is bothering me and the reasons I'm frustrated. I grateful for some ideas but I'm not sure if I like the information I get. I want the wedding to reflect who I am and the relationship I have with my future husband. I don't want it to be full of things that other people picked for me. At the same time I want it to look like everything belongs as far a decorations go. I ordered something that I thought would work and be a lovely center piece and missed the fact that what I was ordering was actually very small. :( I guess I just frustrated with everything and can't make up my mind on what I want help with, what I need help with and what I really want my way about.
I want what I want and there just seems like no way to get it. I want to feel healthy, beautiful and special. I want to think of my wedding be able to look forward to it and not think that everything could go wrong. I thought I'd get a lot more done by now with two months left but I guess I'm just lost. I don't know what to do, where to go, what I should do next.
I still need attire for the men in the bridal party, flowers, ceremony and reception decorations, to taste and confirm the reception menu, cars, the DJ must play and don't play lists, meet up with the photographer and go over looks. I still need to find an outfit for the parties that are coming up and how I will make myself feel special. I'm not comfortable in my own body and going to my last dress fitting and praying that the dress will zip all the way many that feeling compound. I've tried on a few dresses and most of them do fit the way I'd like, it they do if they don't make me feel special so it seems very pointless to keep going shopping.
Just my thoughts.... take them as you will......
There have been a few people who tell me to let them know if they can help or what I'd like them to do but the truth is I don't know what they can do because I don't always know what I want. I have ideas but I have a feeling if I let others pick up things to me or take over tasks that it won't come out the way I'd like and then it'd be a wasted effort. I have mixed feelings about asking for help because in the past when I did I got everyone else's opinions and no one asked what I wanted. Instead of waiting for me to ask for help look things up that could be helpful.
I went out with my sister today and did the one thing I didn't want to do. I cried. I don't like to talk about what is bothering me and the reasons I'm frustrated. I grateful for some ideas but I'm not sure if I like the information I get. I want the wedding to reflect who I am and the relationship I have with my future husband. I don't want it to be full of things that other people picked for me. At the same time I want it to look like everything belongs as far a decorations go. I ordered something that I thought would work and be a lovely center piece and missed the fact that what I was ordering was actually very small. :( I guess I just frustrated with everything and can't make up my mind on what I want help with, what I need help with and what I really want my way about.
I want what I want and there just seems like no way to get it. I want to feel healthy, beautiful and special. I want to think of my wedding be able to look forward to it and not think that everything could go wrong. I thought I'd get a lot more done by now with two months left but I guess I'm just lost. I don't know what to do, where to go, what I should do next.
I still need attire for the men in the bridal party, flowers, ceremony and reception decorations, to taste and confirm the reception menu, cars, the DJ must play and don't play lists, meet up with the photographer and go over looks. I still need to find an outfit for the parties that are coming up and how I will make myself feel special. I'm not comfortable in my own body and going to my last dress fitting and praying that the dress will zip all the way many that feeling compound. I've tried on a few dresses and most of them do fit the way I'd like, it they do if they don't make me feel special so it seems very pointless to keep going shopping.
Just my thoughts.... take them as you will......
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