I'm over it

So let's be honest today,  when it comes to wedding planning lately I'm over it.  I feel like I have no support and no voice.  It's my wedding but it doesn't feel like it lately.  I feel like I have to do everything myself and that I can't count on anyone for help.  Every aspect of my "stress free wedding planning" has been nothing but drama.  I know in the end it's all about the marriage but that doesn't change the fact that I have to plan events that should be hosted in my honor.  I can't seem to feel comfortable in my wedding dress or develop a plan for how to be comfortable.  I just keep thinking back to the day I was dress shopping and trying to pick dresses.  I was so not ready to pick a dress and it seems like when the words, "I think so" came out of my mouth everything started being picked for me instead of asking what I was really thinking or what I wanted.  I really wanted to keep looking and come back.  Instead I had a deposit on a dress and by the end of the summer I had a dress hanging in my closet.  In a few short months after that my wedding did a complete 180 from the original plan of a relaxing, casual, simple church ceremony with bowling reception to a romantic, yet understated elegant ceremony and reception.  I'm still trying to have a little fun with my wedding but I just can't get over everything that is going wrong.  I feel like my bridal party is falling apart and that I have to support myself.  I can't get an honest opinion from anyone and all this wedding stress just makes me want to run and hide.

I honestly can't take it if something goes wrong with this day.  I feel like it'll all be my fault because I'm the one planning it.  I have great ideas for what I would like but I have no one to depend on but me and I can't figure out how to execute the thoughts in my head.   It's difficult to try to do things when everyone is so far apart or so busy.  I would love to share my ideas with my bridesmaids and have them help me with things but I can't.  Such is life!!  I would love to be able to talk about ideas and what I want without the opinions of others.   I wish I felt like I had the support of those around me but I feel nothing but judgement.  I asked my fiancee his opinion about something and pretty much bit his head off because it wasn't what I wanted to hear.  I wasn't looking for simple words.  I wanted a detailed opinion, I wanted feedback.  I wanted to hear the words of doubt that I have in my brain coming out of someone else's mouth.   I wanted my worries to be confirmed or washed away, what I got felt like a cliche.   I don't know what I need at this point, but what I do know is I ether need someone to help me do things or tell the next person who tries to put in their opinion on my day to write it down, put it in a box and shove it when the sun don't shine because I could care less.    I get a lot of input about things I never asked about and no one in turn asks what I was thinking.  Here's a thought for a change,  maybe I changed my wedding because I was tried of people not calling me back,  maybe I changed the dresses because it fit more of what my dream wedding would be like,   MAYBE I don't like my dress because I don't feel like I'm the one who picked it,  maybe the best part about my wedding is the fact that I get to marry the man I love because that is the only part worth wile at the moment.  Everything else seems for show and not worth my time.  

Today I figured out how to blend the ideas that I have for my bridal shower.  I would like a 1950s housewife theme with a blend of the Alphabet.  Have people bring their favorite recipes and use the gift tags we could include with the invites to spell out my name.  We could play some simple games and have a few treats; maybe a slight tea party.    But unless my fairy godmother comes to visit and makes my dreams come true I'll probably skip this experience too.  Just like I plan to do for my bachelorette party because what fun is a girls night celebrating someone if no one wants to participate and the bride has to plan it.

I just want to pull away and say do whatever you want that doesn't require me to do anything because other than the cake and the photos nothing really feels like me.  I suppose the best part of the wedding will be the vows because that will be from the heart.  Nothing seems to go as planed so why bother planning!!!

Bridal Shower

So my wedding is quickly approaching... before I know it summer will be here and then my wedding!!!  There is still so much to do and despite my best efforts it's becoming a little stressful.  I believe that some of my RSVPs have been lost in the mail, that I may have to plan days that should have been planned for me and that I will have a ton to do and not a lot of time.   I found some helpful advice on theKnot.com about tips and ideas.  What I would really love is to have someone plan something simple yet fun and representative of me.   I love the idea of a 1950's Housewife Bridal Shower but I also like the idea of an Alphabet shower which is themed in the Bride's name.  So I guess the theme is really up to the person willing to host my Bridal Shower.  I know that there are traditions and etiquette for these sorts of things but I seem to be on the short end here.  I only have two bridesmaids, one who lives in state and one who lives out of state.  So how do I suppose that one person will be willing to throw me a party alone?
I don't however I don't want to do it myself either.   My hope is that it will all work out and that I will have a wonderful bridal shower.  I am more than willing to skip the bachelorette party.  The traditional "last night of freedom" wildness is not my style.  What I can't seem to understand is, why can't you invite anyone you want to your bridal shower?  Why should it be limited to only those invited to the wedding?  I have some good friends that I would love to spend time with but  can't afford to invite them to the reception so why can't I share the wonderful occasion with everyone I want to have there?

So for my Bridal Shower:
* I found some cute invites at Target
* When, Where, What time?
* Who to invite?

What I really want?
something classy and elegant
to feel special and loved
to feel important
to relax and have a little fun

Wedding worthy songs and other things on my mind

So I see lists and lists of wedding songs.  Everything from first dance to father daughter dances to music to keep the party going.  I was just thinking about some of my favorites.

I knew I loved you before I met you by Savage Garden
God Gave me you by Blake Shelton
Then by Brad Paisley
Could not ask for more by Sara Evans or Edwin McCain
Can't touch this by M.C. Hammer (an old favorite of my fiancee and I)
Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice
You by Chris Young
My Little Girl by Tim McGraw (my favorite Father Daughter Song)
Old Time Rock and Roll by bob Segar
All you need is love by the Beatles
L-O-V-E by Nat King Cole
Marry me by Train
Wedding Dress by Matt Nathanson


Sooo with the music listed (I'm sure there's more but I can't keep track) it's time to get to the other things on my mind.  I know there are some traditions that most brides follow but lately there are many that I'd like to skip.  I'm pretty sure that I would like to skip the bachelorette party at least in the traditional sense.  I'm all for a nice night out with my girl friends or some fun but I'd rather not have a crazy "last night out"  I don't want to drink tooo much or go party it up in Vegas.  I want something much more me.  I'm still trying to figure out how to have my bridal shower without it being too corny.  I feel like it is my job to plan a lot of this.  I know it supposed to be for my bridesmaids to plan but one lives out of state and the other is often as busy as I am.  Knowing that we have a limited budget I'd rather just have my bridal shower and then grab dinner with some good friends.  There are a few other traditions that I would love to break but I haven't decided what I want to do.  At times I wish I had a fairy godmother to make all my dreams and wishes come true but at the same time if they all did come true what would my wedding day look like.  Maybe it would be a garden in a beautiful winery and I'd be wearing my dream dress, (or even better the dress I sketched!).  My groom would look dashing in a custom suit and take my breath away and much as I will his.  I'd have a beautiful hand-tied bouquet of peonies, hydrangea, and dahlias.  The best part of all would be the most memorable day of true love shared between my groom and I.  This last part will ring true no matter what the day, I just hope it will be everything I want, everything I've dreamed of and everything I hoped it could be.  I love my fiancee with all my heart and the day I marry him will be the happiest day of my life.

Wedding Reception Theme

As the planning continues we seem to be developing a romantic, nature theme. Our cake has tree branches and birds similar to our invitations.   We also love the idea of having trees as center pieces at the reception. We are truly inspired by the photo on the right.  I love the all around look.   I want lots of emerald/jade green with black and ivory complements as well as silver accents.   I wish I could just pull my favorite parts out of this photo and just place them in my wedding.  That would make me truly happy.   I'm still  looking for more decor and things to guide our theme without making it too cliche.

What do you do next...

So lately when I think about my wedding I think about it in 3 ways:  What I love, What I like and What I still need to do.  

So What I love about my wedding: are the people involved, the love I share with my groom, the date and time of year.   The ideas I have for flowers and decor (now if only I could make them make sense to others or had a limitless budget to pull it all off).  I love the photos that we are going to get from our WONDERFUL photographer.  I love that my dad is going to walk me down the isle.  Our wedding cake!! I never thought I'd say that I love my wedding cake (I'm not really into cake)

What I like... the day that we are planning.  It's not our original plan but it will work for us and hopefully be everything we want.  I like my dress ( I wish I would have waited longer to purchase it and spoke up for  what I really wanted.  I guess I feel like I settled a little bit.  Part of me wishes I would have picked the dress that made me smile) I like the food we have picked out (haven't tasted it yet but I like the menu)  I like the guest list.  I hope the people we want can make it.  I like the gifts we've registered for and the ideas I have for the bridal shower.

What I still need to do.... finalize the guest count, complete my to-do list (I have know clue what's on the list, and  pay for EVERYTHING!!

a little defeated...

So lately wedding plans have been getting on my nerves.  Nothing seems to go the way I would like it to and it's making me wonder why I wanted to have this big ordeal anyway.  Lately it seems like nothing can go our way.  I really wanted a stress free day that I could enjoy but the problems I run into with planning make me want to just run off an elope.  Why should I spend all this money on a wedding if it's not everything I want? Originally I wanted to do something a little different, a little fun and something very us. But when that didn't pan out I had to develop plan B (or maybe it's C, D or E at this point).

Our wedding seems to becoming more and more traditional and less and less about us.  Because of all of the changes I find myself second guessing many of my decisions.  I'm second guessing things that are too expensive to change and wanting to change things that haven't been purchased yet.  I really want to get the day that I'm picturing in my head, but it's difficult to see it that way at the moment.  Some of the people we really want to attend can't make it and that makes me sad.  This day is once in a lifetime (if done right) and isn't easy to recreate.  Of everything I picked our over a year ago, the number 1 thing I got was photography.  I love her work and she is so easy to work with.  I think she makes us both feel comfortable.

I'm sad that other people keep trying to make decision for us and for our day.  Recently we tried to find another dress for my sister for to wear to the wedding.   And it was proving difficult because of her size. After going to two stores and discussing the idea over dinner, my mom decided that it'd be easier to take her out of the wedding.  No one seems to understand that I was looking forward to possibly shareing something special with my sister and although replacing her dress would be a little pricey it could bring us a little closer.

Because many people keep trying to influence my day, I feel like pulling away from them.  I don't want to talk to my mom or sister or anyone really other than my fiancee and my dad.  Even when I do talk to them I hold back a lot of how I am feeling.  I almost opened up completely the other day but I knew if I let my guard down, I'd probably cry with how frustrated I've been.  I'm only in the planning stages but I feel like I'm going to hate my wedding.  I'm really looking forward to the marriage part but the wedding is upsetting me.  I'm not one to be the center of attention and neither is my fiancee.

Well I guess that's all for now.  I'm tired and have to work tomorrow.

Bridal Shower

So lately I've been trying to figure out, when, where and what theme for my bridal shower (yes I know this is supposed to be left to my bridesmaids).  It dawned on me today that what would be awesome, is a 1950's themed bridal shower.  I love to cook and bake.  I also love things that are old fashioned, especially  things from the 1950's.  I think it would be great to have an event that is simple and classic.  I've look  up a few other blogs and found that, although I'm not the first person to think of this, I like the idea and am inspired by those before me.  I LOVE the idea of each person bringing a recipe and dressing in 1950s inspired attire.

I am mostly inspired by a post on Offbeat Bride (http://offbeatbride.com/2011/06/50s-housewife-themed-bridal-shower).  I think it would be fun to mix the 1950s shower with the alphabet shower.