So lately wedding plans have been getting on my nerves. Nothing seems to go the way I would like it to and it's making me wonder why I wanted to have this big ordeal anyway. Lately it seems like nothing can go our way. I really wanted a stress free day that I could enjoy but the problems I run into with planning make me want to just run off an elope. Why should I spend all this money on a wedding if it's not everything I want? Originally I wanted to do something a little different, a little fun and something very us. But when that didn't pan out I had to develop plan B (or maybe it's C, D or E at this point).
Our wedding seems to becoming more and more traditional and less and less about us. Because of all of the changes I find myself second guessing many of my decisions. I'm second guessing things that are too expensive to change and wanting to change things that haven't been purchased yet. I really want to get the day that I'm picturing in my head, but it's difficult to see it that way at the moment. Some of the people we really want to attend can't make it and that makes me sad. This day is once in a lifetime (if done right) and isn't easy to recreate. Of everything I picked our over a year ago, the number 1 thing I got was photography. I love her work and she is so easy to work with. I think she makes us both feel comfortable.
I'm sad that other people keep trying to make decision for us and for our day. Recently we tried to find another dress for my sister for to wear to the wedding. And it was proving difficult because of her size. After going to two stores and discussing the idea over dinner, my mom decided that it'd be easier to take her out of the wedding. No one seems to understand that I was looking forward to possibly shareing something special with my sister and although replacing her dress would be a little pricey it could bring us a little closer.
Because many people keep trying to influence my day, I feel like pulling away from them. I don't want to talk to my mom or sister or anyone really other than my fiancee and my dad. Even when I do talk to them I hold back a lot of how I am feeling. I almost opened up completely the other day but I knew if I let my guard down, I'd probably cry with how frustrated I've been. I'm only in the planning stages but I feel like I'm going to hate my wedding. I'm really looking forward to the marriage part but the wedding is upsetting me. I'm not one to be the center of attention and neither is my fiancee.
Well I guess that's all for now. I'm tired and have to work tomorrow.
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